IN DEVELOPEMENT!

a feature film made up by several short stories from around the world of peoples experience with global lameness!

CAST AND CREW

Directors/ Writers/ Producers - various

WHAT WE WANT!!!

We are looking for people who have had some sort of injustice thrown into their world, as a result of 'global lameness'.
With these stories we are looking to make a feature film that is composed of several short films made up from stories surrounding the 'global lameness' epidemic.
Send through your stories and we will put them up on our website as well as our other pages for the world to know your pain and realise that we can not take this epidemic lying down.
It is time something should be done to stop GLOBAL LAMENESS.

Here is an example of Global Lameness.

My friend comes home to her apartment and their is a note on the kitchen table from her housemate telling her, she must move out, for the sake of their friendship.

...Just wait till you here the rest of this story!!!

GLOBAL LAMENESS STORIES FROM AROUND THE WORLD

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or see below for some stories that can give you an idea of how GLOBAL LAMENESS is taking over the world.

Global Lameness - Example 1

getting kicked out of nyour own screening!

On this one night, one of the very few nights I get off from work, me and a couple of friends get to go to a series of short films screening at the Royal on college street. One of the short films happens to have been one of the shorts that I acted in last year, which I was super excited to go and see. I was some sort of forest mythical nymph half man half fox character.
Lucky for us the film is the second to screen, also lucky for us, we had pre-packed vodka to further enjoy the night, which we were. Even before the screening we had a great time getting dressed up and driving with the windows open for the first time in months, spring turned to summer within a day and it was the day that turned to night where for one moment, we were allowed to enjoy seeing hard work on the big screen.
Upon arriving at the screening we were on our way to having had a few drinks and were very excited and loudly enthusiastic about the screening. The director was there wearing a white coat and looking extremely handsome. I wanted a piece of that after the screening, here I was hoping there may be an after party with some free booze or something?
As we enter into the cinema, we take stock of our situation, slightly drunk, hungry having worked all day and eaten nothing but six pieces of sushi. So we naturally sit up at the very back of the cinema, just in case we decide to duck out after the film.
Surely enough the head of the Humber College and the head of the film department, some Donna woman, get up and talk about how well each of the films turned out and how great they were for encouraging all of the students to film in High Def. Umm excuse me, but I do remember we filmed on 16mm, what you talking about woman? After the speeches which were thankfully not too long, the films started broken up in between by commercials made by the graduating students, which were really good, and if they were for actual products, they would have made for effective commercials, the kind that workers would talk about over the water cooler in their non smoking breaks.
As the film I acted in came on we became quiet, perhaps nervous, but as soon as you saw my characters 'tail' waggin around, we lost it and began laughing. Now this film may not have been a comedy, but when you see yourself with a tail, and its wagging crazier then a dog on heat, how do you stop yourself from laughing.
Surely enough a man infront of us turned around and asked us to keep it down to a 'dull roar'??? to which we promptly responded 'fuck off'. This then continued through the next commercial, which was awesome, zombies and washing detergents are a great mix for hilarity, to which we enjoyed, perhaps louder then most. The film afterwards was even more hilarious then the commercial, and it was intentionally meant as a comedy, and we thoroughly lapped it up, laughing constantly and really enjoying the film. The filmmaker would have loved us! Many other people in the audience were also enjoying the film and laughing, but for some reason, this man, this penisless asshole decides to stir more shit with us and continues to tell us we are being disrespectful and so on.
Im sorry, but how is enjoying a film being disrespectful? Naturally he coped an earful and then he stood up and left. We breathed a sigh of relief, now we could enjoy the night. The thought of leaving the screening had escaped our mind, our stomachs hunger was replaced with a belly full of laughter which soon turned to a belly full of RAGE as the Donna woman, somewhat head of the humber film studies gets up and marches over to us to tell us how disrespectful we were being to everyone here that had worked on the film.
EXCUSE me, I say, but I do believe I went through four hours of make up a day for four days on one of these films, getting man handled by an inexperienced make up artist who refused to use sponges and insisted she always touch my face with her hands that she just blew her nose and scratched her fanny with. I also believe I did get sick for three weeks afterwards, after being covered in acrylic paint because they were too cheap to buy body paint. EXCUSE me I say to the lady, but I did work on the film!
Needless to say, by now, SHE was being disrespectful and then the man from infront of us came out with a worker from the Royal, who insisted we leave or they call the cops. Like the cops are going to come if someone is laughing through a film? However, after many harsh words were exchanged, we got up to leave, and this is when the worker decided to lay his hands on me to push me out, to which then set me off into a screaming rage, grabbing everything I could to keep myself inside the theatre, at one point I had a deathly grip on a payphone in the foyer and when I was being pushed out tried to break the phone off.
Now you tell me, was all this called for? Did the phone have to cop the abuse? Did we have to cop the abuse, for having a good time? Why was the man infront of us so persistent to ruin our night, which really was meant to be OUR NIGHT! A night we had looked forward to for over a week and with great anticipation and joy attended!
My friends even spent their hard earned $5 to get in to see my performance of a half man half nymph forest creature with an out of control tail. Did they deserve to get escorted out like criminals. I say no, but in this world where Global Lameness is the growing authority in our everyday life, perhaps we were criminals, maybe next time, we may get thrown in jail for just a chuckle in the previews of a film.

For Further information contact - production@fullyflared.com

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